There’s nothing like success to make you a loser magnet. A friend of mine recently won a pretty prestigious writing award. He was excited, but then a week or two later when we were talking he was feeling kind of bummed out. He was shocked at the amount of criticism and pettiness and envy he was getting about his win. I reassured him that the negative reactions were a sure sign he was a success. Nobody hates you unless they see you as a competitive threat. Being attacked for standing out is the gold standard for determining whether or not you’re really a success. If you’re really doing great you’ll become a loser magnet I told him. Every bitter, envious failure within a thousand miles will be pounding on your blog for the chance to bring you down so they can feel like they’re boosting themselves up. The bigger you are, the more attackers you’ll have because they think they score bigger if they bring the big boys down. He laughed and we both promised to blog about it. I’m first!

Are you a loser? You say, “No, no,” but that voice within you says “Yes, I probably am.” Hint: Being a loser has nothing to do with what you drive, what you own, where you live or the size of your bank account or your sex organs. Being a loser is all about your attitude, about how you treat people. Still not sure if you’re a loser? Here are ten ways to tell. If you’re not doing at least three of these things all the time, chances are you’re not a loser.

You may be a loser if:

1. You’re a “Debbie or Donny Downer.” Are you always the pessimist? Always critical of other people and their dreams, comments, work, awards, wins or accomplishments? Are you always raining or pissing on people’s parades? How’s that working for you? Making a lot of new friends and keeping them?

2. You criticize strangers. Chances are you have no friends to criticize anymore - so you take to the internet to find total strangers to rain on. You spend an inordinate amount of time criticizing and attacking people you don’t even know. Dude, chill. See a shrink. There are pills for that.

3. Like flies drawn to dead animals you are drawn to the negative and jump in at any opportunity to gossip, slander and speak evil of others - with or without a stake in the fight. You derive pleasure from the pain of others and welcome any opportunity to spread bad comments, or hurt the feelings and reputations of others.

4. You have no boundaries and don’t respect or even understand the concept of other’s having boundaries. You don’t respect yourself, so you can’t respect others. This is a sign of serious emotional issues, including a lack of self-esteem and a sign of self-loathing. We’re sorry you’re in pain and were raised by emotional cretins, but there is hope - you just have to decide you want to change and take action to do just that.

5. You have no ambition other than to ruin everyone else’s day, award, life or win. You are so focused on destroying other people and their happiness or accomplishment (a sure sign you hate yourself and are trying to punish your own failings by projecting them onto strangers) you have no time, resources or energy to try to build something positive and useful in your own life.

6. You blame everyone and everything for the condition you and your life are in. You fail to make the connection between the fact that you have choices and your poor choices have put you where you are today - not anyone else. If you are truly a loser this is where you jump in and say, “It’s not my fault that I _________” (Fill in the blank with “lost my job, lost my house, got fired, got sick, was born handicapped, was raised by dysfunctional parents, whatever). Wake up. Life happens to all of us. Chances are 98% of what has happened to you is your fault. Even if it wasn’t, you can still make the choice to change your situation. And no, it is NOT easy. At some point we all make choices that have consequences. If you choose to drink and drug (doesn’t matter what your excuse is, you still made a choice) and you become an addict - hello. Your fault. I’m fat. I make poor choices about what I eat. I own it. It’s not McDonald’s fault. It’s not the sugar manufacturer’s fault. It’s mine. If you can’t own it you can’t change it. Stop blaming everyone else for where you are and start making smarter choices. Only losers blame others for where they are in life.

7. You’re selfish. I don’t mean in a healthy, take care of your needs first so you can help others way. I mean in the never consider anyone else’s needs, wants, feelings, dreams or opinions selfish. I mean in the take, take, take and take some more without ever giving back or being appreciative selfish. You always go where you want to go to eat, see the movies you want to see, watch the programs you want to watch, only attend functions you want to attend, never ask if the other person in the car is warm or cold before you crank up the heater or turn on the AC. You never express an interest in anyone else’s life unless it impinges on yours.

8. You never give back. You don’t buy Girl Scout cookies or throw a handful of change or bills in the Salvation Army kettle at Christmas. You don’t volunteer. You don’t cheer at parades - heck, you don’t even attend parades! You don’t offer people rides when you know they could use one. You don’t help clear the table when you’re invited to dinner. You don’t take out the trash, do the laundry, fix something broken, mow a senior’s lawn, bake cookies for a friend, buy tickets to a fund raiser and give them to someone who would enjoy the event but can’t afford it. You’re always thinking “What’s in it for me?” rather than, “How can I help here?” You never simply say to someone, “Wow! Congratulations on that! I mean it!” and truly mean it.

9. You’re envious of others success, awards, wins, things, jobs, friends, life, but won’t do what is needed or necessary to get the things you’re so envious of. You expect life and all its good things to be handed to you on a silver platter - as though you some how deserve them simply because you exist. You refuse or don’t know how to work for what you want.

10. You whine. Only losers whine. Put on your big boy or big girl pants and deal with it. Life hits us all. Some it pounds on more than others. It just does. It’s up to you -not your mother, brother, father, boss, lover, neighbor, government or anyone else to run your life. All of us fail. None of us have a perfect life. Some have it better or easier than others, but that can change in an instant. Losers whine, winners work it out. No one is going to ride into your life and rescue you. Walt Disney lied. You are the only one who can take care of you. If you truly can’t function at all - you need to be in an institution or under someone’s supervision or care - but if you are, then you have no right to comment about how those who aren’t are running their lives.

Not all victims are losers, but all losers are victims. Decide today to change. If you can read this you know how to use a computer and you can read. Google “boundaries” and “Self-esteem.” Start reading everything you can on self-improvement. Stop whining. Stop complaining. Stop being critical. Force yourself to be nice. Eventually it will become a habit. Learn to give. Volunteer. You can change but you have to want to. If you didn’t win that award, get that promotion or job, win the girl or guy, land the interview - keep trying. Don’t blame others. It’s not their fault.