Playing fair is the philosophy of the masses. We give what we get. We treat people like we are treated. They’re good to us, we’re good to them. They treat us right, we treat them right. They mess with us, disappoint us - we do the same or stop dealing with them all together. That’s “only fair,” right? Playing fair - it’s the American way. But is it the best way? Not really. There’s no room for failure in playing fair. If a supplier or colleague has a bad day, a bad month or a bad year what do we do? We write them off. After all, they’re not playing fair. Playing fair means we don’t risk, we don’t extend ourselves, we’re not overly generous because - after all - someone might not “play fair” with us if we seem like an easy touch.

But what happens if, instead of giving what we’re given, we give more? When I have a new client I give more. If they want an ebook, I do the book and throw in a brochure or flyer too. If they want a press release, I give them two or three releases - same info, but crafted for print and broadcast too. It takes more time. It costs me a little more. There’s no guarantee anything will come of it, but something often does. I don’t play fair. I play more.

If we only give what is expected, or to those whom we feel are treating us fairly or right, then what’s remarkable about that? Not to launch into religion here, but an example Dr. Henry Cloud gives when he discusses this concept in 9 Things You Simply Must Do to Succeed in Love and Life: A Psychologist Learns from His Patients What Really Works and What Doesn’t
is a biblical principle of “If you only love those who love you, what good is that?” The gist of it is, you’re not remarkable for “playing fair,” and doing what everyone else does. You’re remarkable when you do MORE than play fair - when you give more than you get, when you do more than is expected. Cloud points out that successful people don’t run around “evening the score” or giving what they get. He talks about how empathy, showing love in the face of criticism and attacks, and being “the more mature one,” actually brings people UP to our level rather than taking us down to theirs.

It’s a difficult concept to grasp initially only because it demands so much more of us. But it’s the core talent/gift of a linchpin, of leaders. It’s what elevates winners. When you treat others well regardless of how they treat you it changes things.

If you’re not tied to “being fair,” you’re free to move on, to let go of the negative, to try new things, to love more, to be you. So stop being fair. Just give all that you can in a spirit of being generous and quit keeping score. Quit giving tit-for-tat and withholding your love or generosity because someone has withheld theirs (That’s playing fair!).

When there are no score cards you’re not tied to a specific game. You’re free then to succeed. Make sense?