Part of solving any problem comes down to two things - understanding the difference between responsibility and fault. Fault is about who to blame. Responsibility, in this instance, existential responsibility - our responsibility to ourselves - is what we do for ourselves after we determine who is at fault.

When I was 20 years old I was taking a wrestling class in college and ended up being thrown to the floor and rupturing a disk which compressed my spinal cord and paralyzed me. I literally could not move my legs. The woman who threw me down had violated the class rules and was at fault. If she had obeyed the rules and done what she was supposed to, I might not have been hurt. So she was at fault. Had we gone to court she would have been found negligent and forced possibly to pay for her actions. That is what fault is - who is to blame? Who caused something to happen? It is a matter for the courts or a referee to decide. The result of “finding fault” means we identify who is to blame. Most of us have no problem getting to that stage. A homeless addict or alcoholic may find fault and say:

“I lost my entire family in a car accident and so I started drinking and lost my job and my house and now I’m homeless.” The car accident is to blame. The car accident is at fault. It sparked the subsequent chain of events.”

I found fault when my father died and I quit my job to travel and ended up homeless. My quitting my job was to blame. I was at fault

People rarely have problems deciding who or what to blame for their lot in life - especially if the culprit is not themselves. They have a much harder time when they are the ones to blame. Either way, and no matter who is ultimately at fault, many of us have an incredibly difficult time learning and deciding to take responsibility for whatever happened. We want whomever is “to blame” to fix it. Sorry. Not going to happen. They may pay for the hospital bills, but it’s up to you to survive the surgery, do the rehab and carve out a new life for yourself. Getting on with, and taking control of your life is YOUR responsibility.

Taking philosophical or existential responsibility for something isn’t the same as taking responsibility for “doing your job,” or doing what is expected or that you agree to do. I’m talking about the responsibility of where you are in life. I’m talking about “owning” your behaviors, thoughts and decisions. When you own something - whether it is a car, a pet, a computer, a sleeping bag - you are responsible for it. You take care of it, fix it, maintain it, repair it, guard it and decide what to do with it. You can decide to be careless or careful. Either way, you are responsible for it and what happens to it is under your control.

I was paralyzed and in the hospital for six weeks, in a wheelchair and unable to walk. Doctors told me I had a 50/50 chance of never walking again. Surgery was an option that might make that 100% chance of never walking again. Either way, I had to do something, to take control of my decision, my body and my life. So I opted for surgery. The odds weren’t good, but they were better than what I had - definitely not walking again. Finding fault, laying blame did me absolutely no good at that point. It didn’t matter. Having someone to blame would not change what had happened to me.

I had the surgery and within a few months the swelling went down and I was able to walk again. It changed my life. My left leg and foot have always been numb as a result of the accident. I have nerve damage. My foot drags when I’m tired. I have no feeling in much of my lower leg. But I own my condition. I do what I have to do to take care of the leg. I went to physical therapy. I do my exercises. I compensate. No one is going to do that for me. It’s my responsibility to deal with the cards I was dealt.

I was thinking about this this morning as I looked at my dead MacBook. Apple is “to blame” for giving me a Lemon. They are “at fault.” But what I do from here on out is my responsibility. To continue to blame Apple won’t do me much good. But to take responsibility for my dead computer and to act to find a way to play the cards Apple dealt me is within my control.

I’m saving my $$ and looking at alternatives to make the most of what I have to spend. To do otherwise is to be a victim. I have a 35-year-old van with $800 worth of repairs to do before I can drive it again. I can find someone to “blame” or I can take responsibility and own it and find a solution.

That’s what life is guys. Owning your life, finding solutions, moving forward. Lots of us get stuck in the fault-finding stage - including me sometimes. It’s not fun to admit when WE are the ones to blame for bad decisions or choices. It’s frustrating and painful to see that friends and family and co-workers and strangers are to blame or are at fault too. We can rarely change “who is to blame,” but we can ALWAYS change how we respond.

No, it’s not easy. But what are your options really? But take heart - the good thing that follows taking responsibility is - freedom. Yeah, that’s right. Freedom. When you control your life, when you own it and you take action(s) to change it regardless of who is at fault, you become free. You become free because you are deciding what happens next. Suddenly all kinds of options open up for you.

For me, taking responsibility for my back and legs meant deciding to do more physical therapy, to swim, to work out, to heal. I was no longer a victim or a cripple. I was healing. I was in control of my life, calling the shots and becoming free. Sitting around blaming the person who hurt me wasn’t going to heal my legs or make me walk again.

The “Do something” strategy worked for me then, and has worked for me over the years when I remembered it. So now I’m remembering it. And I’m owning my situation - no car, no computer, no money. And I’m feeling very free right now. It’s so much better than the alternative of feeling like a victim.

What cards has life dealt you this week? What are you going to do with them? Sit on them? Throw them at the dealer? Or play the hand? I hope you play the hand.