I’m having a “Life Sucks” day. My fibromyalgia kicked in because I worked out too hard this week. So I am in too much pain to put clothes on today, let alone work out. I did go to the gym and take a 45 minute sauna and 20 minute hot shower. It helped some. Now I can actually sit at the computer.

My fibro/CFS induced brain fog is still intact - making it hard to think, and my back is in non-stop spasms from too many reverse crunches and back work. I pushed too hard because I am tired of being unfit and fat. I forget that it took me years to get in this shape and it will take at least a year or two to get out of this shape.

I’m to blame for the injuries and the pain, no one and nothing else. I let my attitude and my thinking get me to this place. So, before I blow the final blasts on the pity party horn, let me share some things about my misery….

My life sucks every day - if I let it. Like I tweeted earlier, “Having a life sucks day. It’s not that my DAY is different. My ATTITUDE is. Gotta change the attitude cause I can’t change the facts.”

The reality is I have a life-altering illness that keeps me from doing all the stuff I want to do. I don’t have health insurance, can’t afford even basic medical care and my transportation is in park because I can’t afford the $800 to fix it so it will pass inspection (brakes and ball joints and a defroster). Rambling on and on about all I don’t have, can’t do and how miserable it all is (life sucks) doesn’t really change things. Life is what it is. The thing that changes is how I think about it. My life is better than many, worse than many. It is what it is.

I got locked out of the apartment tonight - for 4 hours. Cell phone and spare keys inside. Went to check the mail and automatically locked the door without thinking. Rather than sit and cry I washed the van while waiting for the landlord to get home and get the note I drove over and left on her door. The van needed washing and that I could do. I killed more squash bugs. There are zillions of them and fewer squash plants than ever, so always a chance to feel good about that. I jotted notes for my next book in a notebook I found in the van. I prayed. I hurt. It sucked - no doubt about it.

So, it was not a good day all around; but instead of lying in bed ALL day (just most of it), bemoaning how much I hurt, sleeping when I could and crying when I couldn’t…I finally switched over to gratitude mode and started listing the things I’m grateful FOR:

• “I’m grateful my gym membership is paid and I can walk over there and sit in the sauna and take a hot shower.” (which I did and I feel a little better physically)
• “I’m grateful I had a hose and water access to wash the van and my car keys to drive over to the landlord’s and leave a note.”
• “I’m grateful I keep a spare set of eyeglasses in the van for when I misplace my other set. I was able to drive with them.”
• “I’m grateful I went shopping before the fibro kicked in and now I have lots of healthy stuff to eat.”
• “I’m so grateful I saw friends this week and that one of them brought me a healthy, fair trade, organic dark chocolate treat!”
• “I’m so grateful my AC is working so well, that my computer works, that I have all that I have.”
• “I’m so grateful that I finally found the solution/cure/treatment for my fibro and chronic fatigue - even if it takes 6 months to a year, at least it’s a year with hope and not the last 30 years of no hope and frustration.”
• “I’m grateful I had a notebook and pen in the van and could jot down some character studies for my book while I waited.”
• “I’m grateful I have a landlord who, upon hearing I was locked out - immediately left to come let me in even though I was able to jimmy the lock before she got here.”
• “I’m glad I know I need to install a deadbolt lock BEFORE someone else gains such easy access!!”

No. It’s not easy to switch your thinking or your attitude. A part of me really loves lying in bed crying about how unfair my life is. But I know there are many, many, many, many people worse off than I am. All I can say to that is we’re all struggling with things that others can’t see. What may appear to us to be greener grass may be a different kind of hell. I know people with millions of dollars in the bank, but who are emotionally, spiritually and mentally bankrupt. They’re alcoholics, addicts or suffering from their own unaddressed issues. Would I trade places with them? No. Not if it meant being so unaware that I spent day after day in a spiritual hell. I’ve learned the hard way, no matter how easy others may APPEAR to have it compared to you, there are deeper waters none of us see when comparing crosses with our neighbors, and the people around us. Trust me. We are ALL hurting in ways people can’t see and don’t understand.

So, today was difficult. I hurt on so many levels. I still hurt. Washing the van got my muscles moving and warmed up and helped with the pain a bit. Once I got in and got my wallet, money and cell phone I was able to head to the store and get the MSM/Glucosamine supplement I needed to help with the pain. The store had JUST restocked it so I was able to get it. That’s a good thing. If you’re having a “Life Sucks” day - try changing the way you look at it instead of changing what’s happening. Sometimes a new attitude gives you the energy to change the reality.

How to Change Your Attitude:

• Admit Life, or the event, day or whatever SUCKS.
• Look for the things that DON’T suck. (I was locked out of my apartment, but it wasn’t hot, it wasn’t raining, I did have my van keys and I was able to sit in the van, access tools I had etc. - all good stuff)
• Call a friend and enlist their help in finding the unsucky things if you can’t think of any. I call Christina. She ROCKS at seeing silver linings in the worst of days and events.
• Do something you usually LIKE doing, even for a few minutes. (I watered my garden and washed the van. Both helped a lot).
• Walk, pray, meditate or do something to connect with a power/God/energy outside yourself. You’re not in this alone. I pray. God hears me. He helps - not always in the way I want Him to, but He helps.
• Eat.
• Clean something - house, car, garage, desk drawer - something.
• Do laundry.
• Rearrange furniture.
• Read.
• Sleep.
• Work out.
• Distract yourself with a video game, book, driving around the neighborhood - anything to remove yourself from the physical setting where things are sucking. I go grocery shopping.

Things NOT to do on a “Life Sucks” Day:

• Don’t break up with a spouse, girl or boyfriend.
• Don’t get drunk.
• Don’t have sex with strangers.
• Don’t quit your job.
• Don’t yell at your boss or co-workers.
• Don’t get angry with the people around you. You may notice on days that suck that all the morons, idiots, assholes, jerks, losers and narcissists come out of the woodwork and plant themselves in your face and space. Know this is a how the universe makes sucky days suck more and don’t fall for it. Bite your tongue and wait until you’re feeling much, much better to deal with the crap the energy vampires, losers and idiots dump on you during your sucky day.
• Don’t decide to do drugs or “act out” (meaning engage in stupid, risky, anti-social behavior) just because you’re pissed.
• Don’t make any major financial or life decisions - like quitting your job, joining the military, moving, breaking your lease, speeding, running stop signs/lights, getting married, “trying” recreational drugs or doing beer bongs or anything that you’d normally think twice about if you were having a normal day.
• Don’t call friends whose life sucks more than you, or who love to complain. They’ll just make you feel worse and drag you into their pity-party. If you don’t have friends who can help you see the good in the bad, call a pastor, crisis hot-line or therapist.
• Don’t throw a three-day pity party. Three hours is okay, but the longer you party with pity the more you trash your internal house and have more crap to clean up.

We ALL have sucky days. Really. We do. The goal is not to have a perfect life. The goal is to have an attitude that lets you survive sucky days and even sucky people. It’s not easy. If it was - yeah…we’d all be doing it.

So my day totally SUCKED. But I pulled some good stuff out of it. Tomorrow is another day. I figure I got some rest, a clean van, and some minor errands done. I also watered my garden and managed to salvage a few things work wise. I’m going to focus on that and not on all the crap I screwed up by things out of my control. And therein lies the secret.

“Accept the things you cannot change, have the courage to change the things you can - and seek the wisdom to know the difference.”