Erosion
Seth Godin is on a roll lately. Another excellent post today talks about what really happens when people, customers in his case, feel underappreciated or taken advantage of. They just….
Not fade away
By Seth Godin
Most partnerships don’t end up in court.
Most friendships don’t end in a fight.
Most customers don’t leave in a huff.
Instead, when one party feels underappreciated, or perhaps taken advantage of, she stops showing up as often. Stops investing. Begins to move on.
No, I’m not going to sue you. Yes, I’ll probably put my best efforts somewhere else.
Just because there are no firestorms on the porch doesn’t mean you’re doing okay. More likely, there are relationships out there that need more investment, quiet customers who are unhappy but not making a big deal out of it. They’re worth a lot more than the angry ones.
I recently asked a friend if I should just stop being generous. Stop giving. Stop caring. Stop supporting or showing up for people. I was feeling unappreciated, taken for granted. So I did like Seth says. I quit showing up. Quit volunteering. Quit sending emails with information they might find helpful. I stopped investing and moved on. That bothered me because I enjoy giving, caring and sharing. She said, “Just be clearer on what you expect. If it’s a gift, it’s a gift. If you’re expecting reciprocity, be clear about that up front. And if they aren’t willing to do that, then move on. Don’t give up on what you love because a few people aren’t able to participate or reciprocate.” So I found new folks to help. I started small to see what their response was. For the ones who didn’t say “Thanks!” I moved on. For the ones who said “Thanks!” I said “You’re welcome.” For the ones who said both “Thanks! and Is there anyway I can help you?” I had the reciprocity talk-the one that goes something like, “How can we help each other?”
I still give, but ONLY when I want to, not so much when I’m asked to, unless it’s a great opportunity. And I’ve learned so much-mostly that what we get out of our relationships, or not, is up to us. Relationships of any kind, as Seth pointed out, erode, not explode.
Communication is our responsibility. You can’t wait or expect the other person to get what you want out of your interaction. You have to know what YOU WANT, communicate it and then act on whether or not the other party respects your boundaries and gives you what you want. I wasn’t doing that, and I’m guessing others don’t either.
