Pandhandling homeless people have a variety of signs - many asking for money - a handout. Some plead, “Will work for food,” but then often decline the job, and never turn down money or food. At the center of the homeless debate or issue is one thing - money. If I’d had enough money I’d never have become homeless. If I managed it, saved it and used it better, I’d never have been homeless. That’s true for anyone and everyone who has become homeless. Throw enough money at something and you “solve” the problem. Or do you?

I recently read a fantastic article by Suze Orman about money in the Sept. 2009 issue of Oprah’s magazine, “O.” If you haven’t read it, do. The name of the article is: “What Money Has Taught Me About Personal Power.” You can read it free by clicking on the article link.

She rocked my world. Although I tend to be amused and cynical about Suze since she often struggles with the problems of “How to Get By on Only $50,000 a Year,” and so on….instead of things like, “How to Survive and Thrive on Less Than $500 a Month,” I’ll forgive her. She’s forgotten her waitressing roots I guess. Most of us are not struggling to manage $50,000 a year, but $5,000 to $20,000 a year.

But as I read her article and her crying poor about wearing a Cartier watch worth a down payment on a house, I had to admit that she made some good points about money in general. I grew up with a father who forbid me having any money. He would take away any money I earned or saved. Money was something to be controlled by him, doled out by him and it’s expenditures dictated by him. So when I got money I learned to SPEND it. Didn’t matter on what, but it was usually food - since THINGS I bought were immediately confiscated or given away to “more deserving children.” So money and I haven’t ever really been friends EVER.

I learned instead to barter, to trade, to do things for FREE, hoping that I was building up a bank of goodwill and chips I could cash in down the road. I found out it’s not a very good banking system. And it doesn’t pay the bills. So recently (last year or two), I’ve struggled with charging people cold hard stuff for what I do. And it’s been interesting. Those who didn’t know me before, pay me. Those who were used to getting a LOT for free or reduced rates, or barter, weren’t happy. The gravy train ran dry, or has been running dry. It’s been a hard year. I don’t like to displease people. But I don’t like being broke either. Not the struggling to get by on $50,000 a year broke, but the “I have literally no money,” broke.

So, Suze’s article was awesome. She echoed what I know about money intellectually, namely:

(1) Power comes from who you are, not what you have
(2) Money has no power of its own
(3) Self-worth builds net-worth
(4) Do what’s right, not what’s easy
(5) Ignorance is not bliss where money is concerned
(6) How you respect your possessions says a lot about how you respect yourself

It’s a hard road to walk - this self-respect, I am okay, it’s okay to be/have power road. So many homeless, or poor, or people struggling with financial issues look at their lives and the mess they’re in and say, “Nice thought, but you don’t understand MY situation.”

Well, I do. Bottom line - money, self-esteem, it all gets rolled into one big mess. I get emails all the time from people who tell me, “I’m working two minimum wage jobs so I can afford to do what I love…” and then I learn that what they love is worth $1,500 or $5,000. They’re getting the “jobs,” but are reluctant to charge for the work because “I want to help people who can’t afford it.” Well, charge the people who can and give it to those who can’t, but charge! Then I see myself in them and oh. Yeah. Follow your own advice Becky. It’s not really about giving to those who can’t afford it. It’s about feeling we’re worth it. It’s about valuing ourselves, our time, our talents, our energy. It’s about saying, “I have something of value to give the world.” And then - it’s about believing that.

My father has been dead almost four years. He can’t take my money away from me anymore. But like so many people, the lessons learned in childhood stick. Do yours?

So I made this sign today…and I made it on cardboard so I’d remember that yes, I will work, for money. And I won’t forget the “homeless attitude,” or the thing that will keep me out of homelessness again - respecting self, respecting money, finding power in both.

So many of us put other’s needs ahead of our own. We give and give and give - and the truth is, we’re not giving out of altruism. We’re giving because we want to be loved. We give because we feel guilty. We give because we were taught to. We give because we think it’s what God wants us to do. We give because we secretly hope others will give back. But TRUE giving…the giving that COUNTS, is giving to OURSELVES. Give YOURSELF the time, the money, the right to say “NO” to people who have requests you don’t want to fulfill.

Start with one thing. I am. Realize that it will take time. Reward yourself with a pat on the back when you do something for yourself. Loving yourself well is the first step towards loving others. Someone asked me recently if I worked Saturday and Sunday. Yes! I replied!! But the answer should have been, “Sometimes, and only when there’s a damn good reason and I charge double.”

This money thing is a bear, but it can be harnessed. I’m working on it. I hope you’ll join me. What’s your biggest challenge with money? Start the conversation.