As I tell people almost daily, TED wasn’t the end, but just another step up the staircase of life. The past two weeks have been the beginning of the next step for me - losing 100 pounds.

I’ve been watching “The Biggest Loser” off and on for several seasons, but after watching my TED talk, like most of us, I focused on the negative, rather than the positive. Where so many saw the glass as “half full,” and were inspired, I saw the glass as “half empty” and became discouraged with my weight. I’m not alone. America is obese. And we’re obese because we don’t deal with the issues we have, and the emotional problems we face and so we eat. We eat because we’re scared, we’re bored, we’re angry, we’re broke, confused, abused, or anything but hungry.

So I’ve decided to lose that 100 pounds of anger, grief, frustration and boredom. I didn’t struggle with my weight until I was in my 30’s really. At 5′ 3″ and 120 pounds my family and many, many others CALLED me “FAT,” but that was really a healthy weight!! Rather than tell those folks where to shove it, or that, “Thanks for your opinion, but I don’t really need it, so you can keep it to yourself from now on,” I ate. I ate to stuff my feelings. I ate to get the acceptance I wanted and couldn’t get. And now I’m tired of eating my feelings. So I’m speaking them.

I joined Gold’s Gym and have been walking and getting the courage up to commit to losing the weight, but more importantly, to facing the feelings that weight represents. I have a trainer who is both a nutritionist and has a psychology background. Unlike 99% of the other trainers I’ve encountered over the years (mostly male), she won’t stand around chewing gum, scratching her crotch, and counting reps while looking around the gym for hotties in spandex to take her mind off the time I’m paying for. (Tip: If you have a trainer who does that, fire their sorry, freaking ass and find someone who CARES about YOU and your time/money).

So, join me in my journey. I’ll post photos later. Still haven’t gotten over the shock of seeing them myself. Today I’m so sore I can’t move from a Saturday workout - and the real butt kicking doesn’t start until Tuesday! Just so you can keep score better and understand my pace:

I had back surgery at age 20, L4, L5 ruptured disk into my spinal column paralyzing me for 6 weeks. Doctors said my chances of walking again were 50/50; and that if I did walk I wouldn’t do much else and would be severely disabled the rest of my life. That hasn’t happened. It’s been painful, but not impossible.

I have Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Both are stress related diseases. I stay in pain most of the time, so I think I can cope with the pain of workouts.

My left knee was crushed in a motorcycle accident in my mid-20s and I also had to have muscles and tendons reattached when a skiing accident (binding didn’t release and ski tip hooked the snow, twisting my leg almost off.)

Two additional arthroscopes for a torn ACL and torn cartilage make my left knee pretty much worthless.

I have a severe, torn right rotator cuff. Health insurance expired before I could find a decent doctor to do the surgery.

Add age, former broken bones (both wrists broken 3 times each) to the mix, and it’ll be interesting to see how I do in the next six months.

Hope, for health, happiness and self, WILL find a way. The gym membership costs $40 a month. The gas for the van to and fro each day is $5 ($120 a month). The trainer is $75 a session (once a week). That means if I lose 100 pounds in 10 months it will cost me about $5,000 just for gear, gas and gym. That’s about $50 a pound!!! It will be $50 well spent though - the cost of obesity, health problems and depression is so much more.

Thanks for joining me on the journey.